Cruel Jaws Review

Review of Cruel Jaws (1995) by screenqueeen: 👍 3.5/5

In a displaced 1995 Italian representation of human American Floridian existence, a retired and balding Hulk Hogan is struggling to keep his aquarium (or a wet petting zoo? Who knows) afloat while a sleazy businessman is forcing him out due to 3 months of unpaid rent. Oh and a killer shark is on the loose!

If JAWS 2 disappointed you and you wanted more excitement and more action to the tune of cut-and-paste shark action where the same cutaway footage is shown for pretty much every encounter with a shark who can only be distantly related to Bruce (let's call him Brice), this is the sharksploitation flick you have been looking for all your life.

Brice has this weird quirk where he's identified by Richard Dreyfuss's understudy as a tiger shark but in some shots, mainly the model built for this movie, is shown to be in possession of the head of a great white. This provides some great doofy cutaways, the best fuck up involving a flare gun and a can of gasoline, and wonderful shark gore in some blink-and-you'll-miss it displays of sudden violence. Bonus: this ends on a prattfall mocking a character whose son just recently died.

This movie gets a 1 out of 1 from me.